Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Wishful Thinking

Hello Peoples,  Recently, it may seem that I have neglected my blogging.  This is not true.  I haven't neglected the blogging, merely the posting.  Every day that I have begun to write here has found me pushing away from the old laptop in frustration.  It seems that nothing will come out when I want it too.  I seem to have thought constipation.  The truly frustrating thing about this "Thoughtstipation"is that it has come at a time of tremendous change and activity for our family.  For those of you wanting to keep up with us through this blog, I'm very sorry, but believe me, you wouldn't want to read what I actually wrote over the last couple of months, only what I should have written.


  Some things that have happened recently?  For starters, little Orbit is quickly becoming less a stick of Orbit and more a complete pack, nay a bonus pack with extra bonus pieces.  As Hazel will tell you, he's getting big.  Also, the Braves swept the Cardinals and took one of two against the Reds.  Lets have a moment of silent tomahawk chopping in honor of this achievement....................................................................................................................... thank you.    

  In the last two weeks alone, Hazel and I have journeyed south to Ephesus and the Aegean, and then north and to the Black Sea.  We've walked in the footsteps of Paul, visited the site of St. John's tomb and Mother Mary's house, and we've looked at the stark beauty of a cold sea and the garbage washed upon its beaches.  Hopefully, later this week I will be able to post a picture by picture descriptive account of our journey to Ephesus, a letter from the Ephesians, if you will.  



   If we thought we were busy in the fall, we were mistaken. Funnily enough though, the busier life becomes, the more reflective I seem to become.  The less time I have to stop and smell the flowers, the more often I actually do stop to smell the flowers. I found this to be true last weekend when I found myself sitting in the early morning on a balcony overlooking the Black Sea. It was cold and grey and everywhere there was the sound of waves crashing and the sight of cliffs falling down to the water.  I read my Bible, did some praying, and then started to read over a couple of my journals from the past year.  A constant theme was looking for God's next step in my life.  I guess this should come as no surprise from someone who was just about to graduate from college, but as I read it I found myself thinking back over other much older journal entries and a constant theme through those was, "God, what is the next step?"  In middle school it was, "God what do you want for me in highschool?"  In high school it was, "God what do you want for me in college?"  In college it became, "What do you want for my major," and then finally, "What do you want for me after college?" A few years ago someone gave me the following advice.  "If you want to find God, find some place quiet and just be with Him.  Listen and you will hear Him."  I have received a lot of advice in my lifetime, particularly recently, but no other advice has had quite the impact of that one word, "Listen."  It was followed with a statement, "God knows your heart, so listen for His." So I decided to listen and I found that I no longer knew what I was listening for.   


  I am constantly telling my students that God's plan is now. Its not just about what they can do in the future, its about what they let God do through them today.  To quote from Goonies, "Our parents, they want the bestest stuff for us. But right now they gotta do what's right for them, 'cause it's their time. Their time, up there. Down here it's our time. It's our time down here." This is what I tell my students, so when I sat to listen that morning staring at the water, I was disturbed to find I no longer knew what to listen for.  I've always listened for God to tell me His plan, but now I know more firmly than ever that I am in His plan.  I'm no longer worried about the future, I know that He has that planned too.  So the question occurred to me, what do I listen for now? Then it hit me.  What if I were to listen for the sole purpose of hearing God speak to me?  What if I listened for His voice with no other reason than my love for desiring Him?  What love for God would that be? I keep thinking of something else that same person who told me to listen also told me. "God knows your heart, so listen for His."

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