Thursday, June 21, 2012

(Feeling Like A) Nowhere Man

Greetings Programs,

It has occurred to me that if I'm going to do a post a day for the summer I should probably find something worth posting about.  I intend to do some postworthy activities, but we all know where good intentions get you and it definitely doesn't get you anything worth writing about, but I vow that I will do interesting things this summer. Hazel has spent this week at work for the most part and I, being very unmotivated in her absence, have lapsed into a near vegetative state of reading almost exclusively.  Now, if this were a book blog I suppose that would be acceptable, but it isn't, so I suppose at some point I'll have to get out and about.  

It was with this in mind that I ventured into the city this morning.  I was bored around the apartment and "after all," I thought, "I can go ahead and move into my new classroom!"  This year I have my own room.  I don't have to worry about other peoples' lessons.  I have this one to myself and I am quite excited.  I hopped on the bus and rode in nervous anticipation, well relatively speaking anyway.  45 minutes later I arrived at school and started moving my stuff into the new room.  5 minutes later I finished. Anticlimactic?  Maybe a little.  Still, here are some pictures for your visual enjoyment.  Keep in mind, if it looks a bit austere at this point, thats because it is.  
The front of my classroom.  All of the chairs are stacked because, alas, they will not be used again until the fall. Sadness and great sorrow.
My new desk.  I don't expect to be able to see it for long.  I am my father's son after all.  Nature vs Nurture? I'll leave that to you to figure out.

Yes, its a bit bleak, but school just ain't the same without the students so at this point, I think its fitting. 

I am the Student Council advisor for next school year.  What does this mean?  It means that I sit in the Student Council meetings, offer "wisdom," and among other things, I get to take them all to an Eastern Bloc country this fall for a conference.  Finally my dream of visiting the former/future Soviet Union will be realized.  Yesterday I met with the Student Council officers for coffee and training.  In many ways this is a group of students with great potential for doing great things this year.  Whether they live up to that potential has yet to be seen, but I know they can and that is exciting to see.  In many ways I see some of my own issues reflected in them.  The desire to be individual and a (occasionally grudging) willingness to conform to the guidelines set for them are definitely things that I've struggled with in the past (week).  For the first half of the meeting I did most of the talking, explaining goals and things to keep in mind, conflict-management, etc.  But the second half I sat back and listened as they talked through some things.  

As I listened I kept reflecting on the following verse. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God" (Mat 5:9).  Over the past year, I haven't had to deal with too much overt external conflict, but there has been a rather hefty dose of "you're just a kid" skepticism from certain members of my community. Though nothing is ever said outright, I usually leave conversations with these people feeling frustrated. I keep second guessing myself and wondering, was that the right time to say something?  Am I being a doormat? And as I sat listening yesterday I wondered, What does this mean, being a peacemaker?  Does it look like passivity?  I keep struggling to find the line between "meek" and "weak" and I don't think I'm any closer to finding the difference than I was a few months ago.  One of the things I find to be the most frustrating is leaving conversations having held my tongue, and wondering if I was a peacemaker or a pacifier.  Did I hold my tongue from self control or cowardice?

  

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